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HOW BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF IS KEY TO REACHING SUCCESS IN LIFE AND BUSINESS Leading Emotional Intelligence and Systems Coach Shares Her Tips On HOW BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF IS KEY TO REACHING SUCCESS IN LIFE AND BUSINESS. Oftentimes people are so focused on the relationships around them and how they are perceived by their surrounding world that they forget about the most important relationship of all: the relationship we have with ourselves. Though some might perceive this notion as selfish, the opposite is quite true. Self-love or working on oneself is not selfish; it is a necessity. The relationship you have with yourself has a direct impact on your life and the interactions you have with others, whether it’s in personal or business relationships.

Developing your Emotional Intelligence (EI) through its five elements – self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills – from a place of understanding what our “inherited” and learned traits are is key to creating the master plan that will lead you to your desired life. Research suggests EI is responsible for as much as 80 percent of the “success” in our lives. EI plays a major role in becoming the successful leader of your own vision.

So, why is emotional intelligence so important and what exactly does it look like to have an emotionally balanced life?

A Healthy Relationship With Yourself:

It all starts with you. Understanding the reason why we make choices, identifying our limiting patterns, gaining clarity of our vision and desired goals, and creating emotional alignment around them is greatly important to create the changes and results we desire.

Lucia G. Onieva is a world-renowned emotional intelligence and systems coach. She teaches and guides her clients to align themselves with their vision and purpose and build a loving relationship with themselves. This all happens by developing self-awareness around limiting beliefs and behavioral patterns in order to create a set of goals and actions that will elevate your life and business. Lucia is an advocate of the importance of self-love, emotional alignment, and strengthening a person’s relationship with themselves to live a full life.

Tracing The Roots Of Her Coaching Career

Struggling to find her place as a child, Lucia was inspired to start working with children as a counselor at camp during her free time. When she turned 18 years old, and while still studying for her bachelor’s degree, she joined a non-government organization SAUCE NGO that assists children in Cambodia. Her volunteer journey enabled her to work with children and people who were victims of landmines, stricken by poliomyelitis, and homeless. 

Eventually, with pressure from her family and not knowing how to make her passion and calling her career yet, Lucia left her volunteer work to pursue a career in line with her degree in fashion design. She found a job in New York City in a reputable fashion design company. For seven years, she worked her way through the corporate ladder of the industry. Until one day, she realized that something was missing in her life. “I had an exciting job, I was doing well in my work, and my corporate career seemed all right. But deep within me, something was missing. I lost sight of my essence and had separated myself from my true passion, not honoring who I am.” she shared.

So, after a few events in her personal life, Lucia took a brief vacation in a Mexican town along the Caribbean coastline to create the space to see things with perspective and carefully think about the direction that she was going towards.

“One of the most important people in my life told me on my last vacation day: “If not yourself, who are you trying to prove anything to? You have always dedicated your life to helping others and have always wanted to lead your own business doing so. What are you waiting for?” Lucia remarked. As a result, Lucia quit her world in the fashion industry, closed her apartment, and headed to the Mexican-Caribbean jungle of Mexico. She spent two years studying and doing a full self-immersion. “ I chose to move to a place where I would be prompted to face my fears and apply all the coaching tools I was educating myself. I knew that this will allow me to accelerate my personal inner growth and further develop my abilities as a coach by doing so. Also, I found that this type of work fulfilled my purpose to support, align and elevate others on a much larger scale,” she said.

Recognize Your Self-Worth and The Power of Inner Transformation

There is nothing more painful than trying to be someone you are not, trying to feel the void provoked from ignoring your true essence with things that don’t fulfill your purpose.

“Spending two years in the jungle taught me quite a few valuable lessons. The biggest one being that beauty lies in the full embracement of the uniqueness of each individual.

So, I made a lifelong commitment to myself: accept, love, and embrace what makes me distinct from the rest and fully honor, breathe, and live my essence as it is the only way to create the life I desire and truthfully impact people,” Lucia said.

Furthermore, Lucia added, “Although my story might read smoothly, I am here to tell you it was hard. I had to forgive myself for holding myself back all these years. I had to learn to love myself by taking the steps needed to fulfill my vision, even if that meant my whole “world” would be shaken.”

Create Self-Love Habits to boost your EI

Self-love is not just a way of thinking but also about our behaviors and the recurring habits we implement in our lives whether we are aware of them yet or not. Taking the time to bring clarity and awareness of your goals and the actions you are taking, and understanding which of those actions support your goals and adjusting accordingly is key. 

Lucia offers some key advice when it comes to this:

“Here are some habits I implement daily, which I highly encourage you to embrace yourself:

  • Begin with morning affirmations and visualizing your goals before you reach out to your tech devices.

  • Meditate. Whether it’s for 5 minutes or 20, put your seat back, close your eyes and feel and listen to what your heart is telling you without taking any immediate action.

  • Make time in the day to do something you love, such as exercising, taking a walk on the beach, drawing, taking a bath, reading a chapter of a book…

  • Practice to only allow positive self-talk. Too often we have the tendency to be our toughest judges. The same way you would look at and talk to someone you adore, reflect back, and do the same for yourself.

  • Be patient. Remember that progress takes commitment and time.

  • Express gratitude for what you have today, use your past as a lesson to learn from, and move forward in the direction of your vision.

  • Be relentless in the pursuit of creating your dream life, whatever that life looks and feels like to you alone.

  • Ask for support. No one who ever reached their peak in life got there on their own.

  • Trust yourself, and trust the process.

Now, it might seem overwhelming at first glance to implement new tools in your life but the same way you go to the gym to look a certain way and understand that there is a growth curve and milestones to reach your desired physical look, the same goes for anything you want to reach in life. Make time every day to practice some of these and feel which ones resonate best with you then make them your habit.

By practicing and developing some of these exercises, I have been able to gain deeper clarity of my goals as I ride along my journey, create a deeper sense of inner peace and confidence, be more productive as I have defined goals that feel good and are aligned with my greater vision, and fulfilled in my life and business ventures.”

SHIFT from a Negative/Limiting Mentality to a Positive/Abundant Mindset

Stop with the negative self-talk. Lucia states that to create a healthy relationship with oneself, you must first become aware of your daily emotions and face your negative/limiting patterns. Rejecting undesired emotions without bringing clarity to them only creates resistance and increases the level of fear and frustration. In order to let go of all the negative emotions, you have to first understand their origin then choose to commit to shifting them into positive ones as you move along your journey.

Lucia explained, “I understood I was running my life on auto-pilot following patterns and beliefs that were taught to me but that were no longer in alignment with who I truly am and where I was going. I chose to drop the desire to fit in. I worked on my self-acceptance, committed to showing my true essence, and started to show the real me to the world. I felt instantly free.” 

Final Thoughts

People who do take care of themselves and show self-interest without selfishness are happier than those who don’t. Your self-worth is not determined by your accomplishments or failures, rather your success or failure is dictated by your levels of self-worth and by how you see and feel towards yourself. 

So, take if from Lucia G. Onieva, and the research behind it: inner work and developing our Emotional Intelligence skills is a vital component of living. You need to make this relationship – the relationship you have with yourself – a top priority. Remember to love, honor and respect your true identity, get clear and aligned with your life’s vision and begin practicing positive habits that are in support of it, and start seeing the results you have long been dreaming of.


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